Coping with work and infertility
For the past two years I’ve felt pretty damn exhausted and stressed. It’s no wonder that life hasn’t come from me. I think my body is barely holding itself, let alone another.
With commitments and financial responsibilities, giving up work hasn’t been an option .. until now. Even now it’s not ideal. I’m a worrier and so I’m sitting here picturing the worst. We’re going to be broke, I’m going to miss my financial independence and it’s going to be a struggle. Work has defined me, I’ll be lost when people ask ‘What do you do?’ I won’t get maternity pay – should I by some miracle fall pregnant. I’ve arrived at a fork in the road and I don’t know what to do.
Weighing up health and happiness
Last night when I sat with my friend and she weighed up potentially applying for a role in San Francisco, I looked at my own scales too. Even she knew the joy of just one child would outweigh what I’m achieving by running the machine.
So ladies … after shaking a magic 8 ball a million times as I’m so indecisive, today I’ll be telling my boss that I’ll be handing in my notice shortly. I’ll initially ask him to consider reducing my hours. I’m scared they’ll ask why, then judge me and react secretly with a ‘O God she’s trying to get pregnant!’ without quite realising what a nightmare infertility is. I also fear they’ll prefer to get someone in who doesn’t have all this extra baggage. Maybe I’ll hold back details for now.
Just as I finish writing these ramblings, a pregnant woman sits across me with her baby on board badge. I’ll take that as a sign to keep to plan even when doubt creeps in because I (like you) hope to be wearing that badge sometime soon.
Wish me luck.
M x
I opened Pandora's box and infertility entered my life.
I quit my job between my two ectopic pregnancies. It was time for me to go, and the stress of being in a job I had come to resent AND trying to conceive was too much. I simply told them I wanted to explore other avenues, and I was looking at setting up my own business. Which was true – it was just that I was hoping pregnancy was one of the “other avenues.”
You’ve probably done this by now, but I just wanted to say that you shouldn’t feel you have to give a reason if you don’t want to.
Hi Mali,
Thanks for leaving a note. I can’t help but feel like such a failure as a modern woman .. It does just feel like too much. I decided to just say health and that’s it not something I wish to ignore. I’m so sad to hear about your ectopic. My sister experienced one but she still managed to conceive her miracle baby.
Mina x