Infertility: The moment your sister falls pregnant before you

I responded to ScaredNot2FollowHim about coping when you find out your sister is pregnant before you. I ended up writing an essay of a response but I hope it helps someone and shows the happy light lovely good side of it.  So, I thought I’d post it here.

This might turn into a lengthy response because I’ve been there and done that for my sister. The only thing is that I’m the

iPad monster

Plus you get to be the cool aunt who lets him play on the iPad

younger and married sister. It happened just after I returned from a mini-pilgrimage where I had cried and begged for help with infertility. My sister wasn’t in a relationship, just seeing some guy and even though she’d suffered an ectopic she still managed to fall pregnant. At the time I felt like it was a slap from God, now I can look at it and I know it served a bigger purpose. She’s an incredible mum and her son has changed her life. Grounded her. They make quite the duo.

I organised her baby shower because like you I wanted her to have an amazing time and for it to be celebrated. She was also suffering because our religious father had stopped talking to her. I think that helped me to push my pain aside and help her through her pregnancy. As the youngest in a big family, I already had 6 nephews but there’s something quite different when your sister has her child. I can’t describe it but even as an aunt the connection is closer.

I know you probably know this yourself but it’s okay to cry. I’ve discovered that you can be insanely happy for your sibling/friend and still be sad for yourself. You’re not shunning their happiness. You’re just coping with your grief. That said try not to let it overtake you.

From what I remember, I became so busy with organising the baby shower and so intrigued by the whole pregnancy process that my pain was secondary. I learned so much during that period from just watching my sister, that I’m sure when it’s my turn (someday hopefully) it’ll fall into place.

Even something so difficult to deal with it at first, came with its own magic. When my sister gave birth, she was so tired from the labour that she handed him to me for the first feed. I will never forget that moment, of holding a being so precious and vulnerable.. even if he wasn’t mine. It will remain with me forever.

Four years on.. he comes to my house.. raids my fridge, jumps all over the sofa, terrorises my cats and makes me draw monsters for him. I am 100% sure that I love him as much I’d ever love my own. And you know what? Being an aunt has its perks too.. we get to be the good cops!

For now you’re going to be amazing aunt but one say soon you’ll be an amazing mother.

Keep the faith and do something special for yourself.

M x

I opened Pandora's box and infertility entered my life.

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Posted in Emotions + Coping, Gah!, Relationships + Family
6 comments on “Infertility: The moment your sister falls pregnant before you
  1. marwil says:

    I have been lapped by my own sister twice. It’s tough allthough it’s family that you love.

    • Definitely. I’m sure when/if she has no.2 it’ll still bite. I’ll take the bite but I don’t want to fall into mourning like I’ve done in the past or to feel sorry for myself.

      I recent faced lap two when my bestfriend announced she’s pregnant with her second. Her first is only two years old. That’s when I decided no more self pity or mourning. Maybe I’m being mean to myself?

      • marwil says:

        It’s both harder and easier to handle as time goes by, harder because you realize how much time has past and easier because you have more experience how to handle it, if that make sense. But there will always be that sting of jealousy.

      • Totally agree. I think I choose to hide the time factor in a box and hope I never notice it. That makes it the hardest.

        On a positive note, my sister has been my rock during times of despair and need.

        My dad once said to me failure and success come hand in hand, I am failing.. I look forward to the success.

  2. […] trying and I managed to hide it. I focused on her happiness. I even wrote a post about it ‘Infertility: The moment your sister falls pregnant before you.’ Last year I discovered that my sister was trying again as a newly wed – she’ […]

  3. SillyCat says:

    Totally empathising; your transcribing my emotions and mindset. Stay blessed. Ameen

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Oh, what a power is motherhood, possessing
A potent spell. All women alike
Fight fiercely for a child.

~ Euripides, Iphigenia in Aulis, c. 405 B.C.

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