I responded to ScaredNot2FollowHim about coping when you find out your sister is pregnant before you. I ended up writing an essay of a response but I hope it helps someone and shows the happy light lovely good side of it. So, I thought I’d post it here.
This might turn into a lengthy response because I’ve been there and done that for my sister. The only thing is that I’m the
younger and married sister. It happened just after I returned from a mini-pilgrimage where I had cried and begged for help with infertility. My sister wasn’t in a relationship, just seeing some guy and even though she’d suffered an ectopic she still managed to fall pregnant. At the time I felt like it was a slap from God, now I can look at it and I know it served a bigger purpose. She’s an incredible mum and her son has changed her life. Grounded her. They make quite the duo.
I organised her baby shower because like you I wanted her to have an amazing time and for it to be celebrated. She was also suffering because our religious father had stopped talking to her. I think that helped me to push my pain aside and help her through her pregnancy. As the youngest in a big family, I already had 6 nephews but there’s something quite different when your sister has her child. I can’t describe it but even as an aunt the connection is closer.
I know you probably know this yourself but it’s okay to cry. I’ve discovered that you can be insanely happy for your sibling/friend and still be sad for yourself. You’re not shunning their happiness. You’re just coping with your grief. That said try not to let it overtake you.
From what I remember, I became so busy with organising the baby shower and so intrigued by the whole pregnancy process that my pain was secondary. I learned so much during that period from just watching my sister, that I’m sure when it’s my turn (someday hopefully) it’ll fall into place.
Even something so difficult to deal with it at first, came with its own magic. When my sister gave birth, she was so tired from the labour that she handed him to me for the first feed. I will never forget that moment, of holding a being so precious and vulnerable.. even if he wasn’t mine. It will remain with me forever.
Four years on.. he comes to my house.. raids my fridge, jumps all over the sofa, terrorises my cats and makes me draw monsters for him. I am 100% sure that I love him as much I’d ever love my own. And you know what? Being an aunt has its perks too.. we get to be the good cops!
For now you’re going to be amazing aunt but one say soon you’ll be an amazing mother.
Keep the faith and do something special for yourself.