I admit I got a little excited this month. Ovulation came later than expected, we by some miracle maximised the window and I couldn’t help but think that maybe just maybe everything happens for a reason and that something positive would come out of it.
But I know my body well and 4 days away from when AF is due, I have the tell tale signs that she’s on her way – cold feet, brown spotting and a drop in temperature. Month on month, year after year, being defeated by this never gets any easier.
I kind of wish I hadn’t plugged in my Duo Fertility device this morning and that I remained blissfully ignorant about the temperature dip. Hope and faith taste sweet but logic and science quickly turns that sour.
The wedding, turning 29 and generally wanting to pull my hair out
The next two weeks are going to be tough. Firstly, I turn 29… that’s one year away from 30. Secondly, I’ve got wedding number 2 to celebrate, the one where I had said to my friend that I’d be pregnant for it (all those years ago) and while it marks a brilliant new chapter in her life, for me it’s just a reminder of a milestone never reached.
I don’t want to wallow in this so there’s only one thing to do – get showered, dressed and put on some pretty make up. Then face the day and be thankful for all the blessings I do have. I need to kick this tired feeling from inside of me and have faith that one day this will all work out.
Tapping my troubles away and the clever lil Bio Resonance machine
I’m seeing Thea today and I think we’ll be doing some tapping therapy. It really helps to clear negative thoughts and I’m always so light and happy after seeing her. I haven’t written about the Bio Resonance machine lately, the last session it detected my love for beetroot and also that I have a performance complex (sitting at home isn’t making me feel that great) and flagged obsession (I need a new project away from this whole baby making stuff). It also picked up an imbalance for the thyroid and some hormones. Other than that Thea gave me a natural antibiotic which I haven’t taken yet because I didn’t want to mess with the chemistry possibly happening inside of me. However, when AF arrives I’ll be downing it and I’ll write more about it because it’s the first time I’ve heard of an antibiotic like it.
Anyhow, it feels better to have written it down and gotten it out of my system but enough ramblings for now. Chin up. Smile on. In the words of Buddha..
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.