Seriously. When does the crying stop?

I had a crying episode this morning. Round 3 this month of letting it out. Kinda hoping this stops soon. I barely slept last night because I felt so restless. Then I woke up, looked at my temperature and crumbled out of frustration.

I also decided to pee on a stick just to double check a miracle wasn’t happening. It wasn’t.

So now I’m running late to see an agency about potential work, my nose is red, my eyes are puffy and I have a breakout.

Struggling to see the positives! Literally.


I opened Pandora's box and infertility entered my life.

Tagged with: , , , ,
Posted in Emotions + Coping, Infertility
15 comments on “Seriously. When does the crying stop?
  1. marwil says:

    Oh hun, so sorry it’s such a tough time. Hope the meeting went well and you can find some distraction in work soon. Hugs.

    • Thanks for the cyber hugs, Marwil. The agency were really nice but whether the company they’re recruiting for picks up my CV is another question. I guess I can only try. Distraction is definitely needed.

  2. TG says:

    Oh, my heart is breaking for you. I’m so sorry for your grief, and I wish you didn’t have to experience it. My opinion, though, is that sadness is the graceful (and the only real) way through. You’re doing it right. It just sucks. In the meantime, we’re here for you.

    • Your words helped more than you realise. I’ve been so caught up in trying not to cry, that I forgot that maybe a bit of crying and processing is what’s needed. (Pretty much what my sister said, but really who listens to sisters??) I love my cyber circle of love and I really hope that we do get to watch each other get to the other side. Thanks for leaving a mark. ❤

  3. Sad. So sorry for the lousy morning. Keep checking for miracles.

  4. Jenn says:

    Ugh. What a shitty morning. I hope you find a reason to dry those tears real soon.

  5. So sorry lady. I totally agree with TG–you gotta feel what you feel, even when it sucks. Know that there is a flip side to this sadness. Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself hugs when you feel the tears coming. xoxo

  6. So sorry for the rough morning, I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and sending love and gentle hugs.

  7. LisaB says:

    I’m so sorry hun **Massive hugs**

  8. zenjebil says:

    Lady, I want to share with you the story of my mum’s cousin. His wife was not concieving. They told him to marry a second woman (this happened fifty years ago, in a muslim country!), but he refused because he loved her to bits. She was funny and beautiful, they say. He saved all his money and took her to the best hospitals in Europe. They waited and waited. Then, after 15-20 years, his mum finally convinced him to marry a second wife (ok, this is not a good point here, I know). Obviously, his second wife concieved immediately. However, somehow, his first wife also became pregnant. With twins. Both of them. Then, the second year again. He got 6 children within three years’ time.
    Somehow, this story always makes me giggle. Not because of the guy who got married again, but because it shows how obscure fertility is. Obviously, we can keep eating seaweed crackers and go to specialist hormonyoga sessions and read, and research and try, but I believe, it’s all a miracle, in God’s good hands. I am writing these lines, as a fellow ‘infertile’, as much to you as to myself :)). You are immersed in your pain now, and this is all good, because we need this time, but please keep being happy and brave :))! This is our best medicine. I will happen to be travelling to my homeland’s holy shrines soon, and I will say a prayer for you from my deepest heart.

    • Zenjebil, firstly I want to say I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to think of a reply and secondly that I really appreciate your story & prayers. I know it’s a miracle that all the wheatgrass, yoga sessions and ovulation sticks in the world can’t perform. I do my best to keep happy and brave. I never show the pain in public, only in this space but now after so many years I’m struggling to keep the smile in public too. All I can do is remember my blessings but I still find myself traveling inwards.

      I hope you’ve had a safe journey and a beautiful time at the holy shrines. x

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