Is this acceptance or am I about to turn into a crazy ‘struggling fertile’ again?

God shook me. He sent me back to work. I grumbled but said thank you for the blessing at the same time. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been trying not to slip into old habits – no tea, no skipping meals, taking all my supplements and even creating new habits like prayer and taking in my own lunch. 

This is most definitely a period of change. 

Work is challenging. I’m not sitting at my desk and twiddling my thumbs. I’m working hard again but I’m surprisingly happy. I know I’m going to hit periods of stress but I also know I am going to cope. 

I feel protective of my health and sanity. 

I found a new acupuncturist. A polish/french lady who reminds me of Thea. I feel like I now have two fairy godmothers in my life. I really believe they’ll keep me on track and help me manage this all. When I met the new pinlady, I wondered why I hadn’t made the switch sooner. She is attentive and her treatment room is inviting. No shoddy hospital like curtains and poor lighting like in the Chinese shop. Then I realised that everything really does happen in its own time.

I haven’t put my fertility journey on hold. I just want to swim with the tide now, not against it. Last month I found out the doctor decided to delay referring me to the fertility clinic, he wanted Mr.Husband to get tested first. This really upset me because we had agreed a month or so prior that he’d refer me first and then I could take Mr.Husband’s results with me. I was so frustrated by the waiting game that I cried.

Mr. Husband went for his tests but the hospital threw away his sperm sample instead of processing it. Yep. That isn’t a lie. They threw it out because apparently they don’t accept samples directly, it’s even crazier considering he called them before going there to give it. They didn’t even call him to tell him. Extra waiting, extra delay. I could go get checked out privately but something inside me is telling me to be patient. That this really is happening for a reason.

So I’m letting go. I’ll carry on with temp charting, peeing on ovulation sticks but I’m going to let go of the two week wait by not waiting.

A recent post by Infertility Awakening reminded me that my life needs to be full and rich without a baby. That’s what 2013 is going to be – full, rich, productive and playful. 

Oh and New Years Resolution for this blog.. to include more pictures. 

 

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I opened Pandora's box and infertility entered my life.

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12 comments on “Is this acceptance or am I about to turn into a crazy ‘struggling fertile’ again?
  1. Thumbalina says:

    I love this post and that last quote! It is so hard to stay positive! I am seeing my first acupuncturist on Saturday! I’m horribly frightened, but I have to do something, because right now, all i do is wait, and break out into sobs accompanied by acid reflux every time someone says “GUESS WHAT?!” ….So, here’s to hoping it our year!

    • How did your acupuncture session go? And yes, here’s to our year 😉

      • Thumbalina says:

        It went really well! I don’t know if it had anything to do with it, but I ovulated 3 days after my first visit. If anything else, it had its psychological affect of making me feel more reassured and relaxed. I went back yesterday and he did a different area with the needles, so heres to hopping that in two weeks I get a positive result! I’m just trying to stay positive and not be so bitter right now =\

      • That’s great news that you ovulated soon after. I felt ovulation pain with this acupuncturist, which I didn’t before. It’s also great news that it’s chilled you out. Easier said than done but keep positive and fingers crossed for you. 🙂

  2. This post is coming to me at a great time. I’m right in the smack-dab middle of the two week wait, just about the time when in the past I have started the inexorable slide from confident, breezy, zen forgetfulness – Two Week Wait? What’s that? Did we have sex EXACTLY 7 days ago? Really? I wasn’t keeping track – to obsessive round-the-clock nipple assessment. So far this month I’m doing considerably better, I think because of the blogging. There’s less of that airless, festering silence to get locked in. I’d like to swim in that tide, too. Got any extra water wings? 😉

    • You know I think I do better when I only blog every couple of weeks and don’t focus on it too much. Let’s all grab some floaty ring things and drift off happily with cocktails in one hand.. cocktails of the wheatgrass type.

  3. LisaB says:

    You are doing great hun xoxo Keep hanging in there. Gosh, that is crap that they threw away his sample! That would make me so mad! Thinking of you and hoping things start moving along in the right direction. Like I said, you’re doing an awesome job with everything. Hugs!

  4. Ladyblogalot says:

    Your two fairy godmothers sound awesome 😉

  5. I think you are well on your way to making 2013 everything you want it to be!

  6. Sadie says:

    This is a great attitude to take! I’ll have to revisit this in another few days myself, when I’m in my 2ww… I’ve just started blogging and have many of the same goals as you; I want 2013 to be a better year with or without a baby. Good luck to you!

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Oh, what a power is motherhood, possessing
A potent spell. All women alike
Fight fiercely for a child.

~ Euripides, Iphigenia in Aulis, c. 405 B.C.

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