At the beginning of this week I was caught in a storm. I felt so forgotten by God, so mad at my friend for leaving it until five months to tell me of her pregnancy and just generally angry at myself for being in this pathetic state of limbo. I don’t think my friend trying to save my feelings, I’m pretty sure it’s a case of not wanting evil eye.. yes.. my evil eye.. pffft!
I spent Monday sobbing because my soul felt like God was strangling it. I’m a tad dramatic, I know. But that’s how it felt, plus it didn’t help that I was flued up.. or maybe it did because then I took some meds and slept lots.
This is not how I want to go into my thirties. I want and need some happiness in my life. My twenties have been one big struggle – one where infertility has dominated.
It got me thinking, what do I want from life if a baby isn’t written for me?
What do I want for myself?
That’s one of the hardest questions to answer but it’s where I need to start. I’ll be damned if I’m crying into my thirties!