The sun is welcome. My soul needs warming. I was just reading how in Pre-Islamic Arabia, Al-lat was one of the main Goddesses. The Arabs worshipped her as the sun and on the site it quotes that “we have a right to assume that in Arabic circles Allat correspond-ed with the great Semitic goddess of motherhood, fertility and heaven, and especially with the form which she assumed in Western Semitic reg-ions.”
I am curious about Pre-Islamic Arabia, as a child I would spend hours reading the one book I had on Greek mythology and never tire of it. Then I was obsessed with the Ancient Egyptians. It makes me think I missed my calling by not taking history and studying it further.
#itwillhappen is going well, apart from the bleeding which threw me off. I started frantically Googling cancer and mid cycle bleeding. I’d feel less alarmed if pain accompanied the bleeding but all I get is a dull ache. I’m probably being a drama queen. Maybe it’s nothing.
Today I found out that bloggerkuwait finally got her first BFP, please pray for her or just send her lots of luck (if you don’t believe in God). She’s very nervous. We’ve been saying to each other in comments ‘Kun Faya Kun‘ which comes from the Quran and means ‘Be and it is!’ I am so pleased that God whispered it to her womb. It makes me smile and I hope that seed grows healthily. It also gives me back my faith a little.
Once I’ve finished writing this, I’m going to set up a space for myself in the tiny room that we built hoping that we’d have a baby. I want to start spending more time on projects that I’ve put off. I need distractions to get me through what’s coming up ahead. You know how torturous the two week wait is? Right now I’m waiting to see if the bleeding comes back again in two weeks and for my HSG. I also have to consider whether Mr.Husband and I need some help to calm his nerves. It’s kinda funny that there isn’t even a possibility of seeing a positive pregnancy test. We’re trying to conceive without the trying. When and how did this go so wrong? If the universe conspires to give you what you really wish for, if it reflects back your deepest wishes then I seriously have to wonder about what vibes I’m sending out to it. Maybe I need to go outside and do a fertility dance with some chanting.
I know it sounds dramatic but the thought of turning 30 without having fallen pregnant once, makes me feel sick inside. I need to find a way to deal with that. Breathe. It will happen.