“My ovaries are not appreciating your stupidity.” – Fertility Doll
Yesterday really tested my ‘It Will Happen’ willpower. I’m overly sensitive to pressure at the moment. Something happened at work that made me travel inward and put up all walls. I feel like whatever I do is never enough – in all areas of my life. I work so damn hard and I’m starting to resent all the energy I pour into work because really all I desire is to start a family.
Last night I was low. I felt weak. My chest hurt from pressure. After a testing day a work, I went to my sister’s house to look after her five year old and the simplicity in playing Lego with him made my heart ache more. I can totally understand why parents look forward to seeing their kids after work. I bought my nephew a Lego set, he didn’t thank me as he was too busy ripping it apart. However, once we’d finished building, he sat back on his bed whilst looking very pleased with himself and said ‘I love you.’ He’ll never know how thankful I am for his little heart loving me or how he got me through the evening.
I don’t have the energy for politics at work or the patience for people not being direct. It’s really difficult to keep a professional balance right now. I feel like I’m an emotional bomb that’s going to explode sometime soon.