IVF #2: Pre-transfer nerves

So tomorrow marks a big day – transfer. I’m planning my outfit because I want to go there feeling my best  – not looking like death like the last time.  I’m also envisioning how zen I’m going to be while they pry apart my legs and flash a big light into my face (not). I don’t know anything about my embryos. I haven’t chased to find out. I won’t know until I’m sitting in the room getting ready for transfer.  It’s like Blind Date. I hope embie likes what it sees.

Blind Date - Mr Bean

The last few days I’ve been totally sane one minute and then a nervous wreck the next. I am so grateful for the good that has happened this cycle and at the same time I’m trying to accept that a cycle doesn’t have to be perfect. As long as I get something from it – learning for the next cycle (bloody expensive learning…) or an embryo then it’s worth the pain.

I also have to stop myself from worrying about my egg supply.  These embryo(s) are a labour of love – the hours worked to finance the treatment, the diet sacrifices made, the expensive supplement plan, the hypnotherapy, the pilates, the tango sessions to get us communicating better as a couple and to ease the stress, the injections, the extra effort Super Man put in – all of it was for the eggs. I did the best I could – we did the best we could.

I went into IVF 1 so naïve and expecting it to be a breeze. The reality of it has left me too scared to even hope in this cycle because I’m too aware of things that could go wrong. If this cycle leads to a BFN, I don’t want to fall apart and right now I’m not entirely sure how I’ll stop that from happening.  The come down from the hormones last time had me spiralling into pure grief. As a piece of therapy I wrote a letter to infertility tonight – I  got the idea from  Mindfulmumatobe – it was good writing and letting go. What will be will be.

Breathe deeply. Let go. Repeat.

I won’t have lucky knickers or socks but we’ve planned our own little ritual of gratitude for after transfer. Oh and I plan to make a crown for myself, do a speech about Venus (please contribute your excerpts to add to this below) and throw a ‘I’m getting pregnant party’ with my cats* Just your average bank holiday Monday.

After that it’s all about trying to get back into the flow of ‘normal’ life. I’m praying loads for all of you cycling this month or very soon – NewToIVF, Kiftsgate and Barren Betty – I’ll be cheering you all on.

*As seen on The Switch: If it works in the movies, it’ll clearly work for me. I never claimed to be sane.

Ps All POAS questions will be answered with an interpretative dance…

Fertility Doll | Squirrel Interpretive dance


I opened Pandora's box and infertility entered my life.

Tagged with: , , , ,
Posted in Assisted Fertility, Infertility, IVF
38 comments on “IVF #2: Pre-transfer nerves
  1. So much luck to you tomorrow!

  2. girl2mum says:

    I love this!! Good luck!! 🙂 X

  3. Lisette says:

    Everything’s still crossed babe, you’re dedication is incredible. Filled with hope for you xxx

  4. Snuggle in there nice and tight little embryo! Best wishes for the transfer tomorrow 🙂

  5. Good luck to you! You are almost there. I love the idea of a cat party!

  6. Lisa says:

    Good luck!! Will be keeping you in my thoughts.

    • Thank you, Lisa. I’ve been worrying a lot which I’ll post about later and I flicked to your blog to catch up when I saw the ‘Let God worry for you’ image. I totally needed that. Thank you.

  7. steph50 says:

    You’ll be in my thoughts all day tomorrow!!!

  8. Jenn says:

    I’ll be thinking of you!

  9. Elisha says:

    Praying for tomorrow to go well and your babies get nice and snug!

  10. kiftsgate says:

    I feel stressed for you: going in without knowing anything. I really really hope you’ll get great news and a smooth transfer. You have done and learnt so much from IVF1 to now. I hope it’ll pay off. I would love to hear you partying with the cats with a crown and PUPO by the end of today! Good luck! xx

  11. Do an internal tango routine while you’re there today. 💕

    • Funnily enough I asked the embryologist about energy – when the egg energy is used and when it’s the sperm – she said they work together. I always thought it was a switch over but it made me think of them dancing tango. 🙂

  12. Argh hoping so much ‘our Graham’ has got some amazing matches for you xx I want a party too…and a dancing squirrel, or to see you dance like a squirrel, I’m not sure which I prefer

    • Graham did well! I’ll post about it later. Trying to get all my thoughts into order. Party ended up being a slumber party with the cats. All three of us knocked out. If I get a BFN, my dance will be very dramatic and may consist of only 2 moves.. me standing and then me on the floor face down.

  13. bebepaulo says:

    “Ps All POAS questions will be answered with an interpretative dance…” I am DYING right now! Hilarious. I am totally going to plagiarize you at some point in my life with this quote.

  14. Huge buckets of luck and love tomorrow.

  15. Lisette says:

    Thinking of you post transfer xxx

  16. My Journey says:

    Much good luck to you!!

  17. I bid you happy thoughts of fluffy uterine lining and sticky embies! XO

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