IVF #2: Post transfer – unicorn visited, still waiting on the rainbow to appear, Indian aunts banished!

I’ve been feeling on edge the last couple of nights. I think something’s wrong with the moon. Thought I’d write an update to help me process this and shake off the nerves. The Blind Date almost made me faint – if you recall IVF #1 I had one 3 cell and one 5 cell 3 day transfer – this time I blinked when the embryologist said: we’ll be transferring one morula and an early blastocyst.

Two. I figured two meant they weren’t great quality but I’m the type to obsess so I didn’t ask about grades. I was just so grateful I’d made it further than last time.

Half way through the procedure, just before the embryologist handed over the embryos she said ‘Good news the morula is now an early blastocyst.’ I had to stop myself from crying whilst on the bed with my legs in stirrups. You would have thought I just found out I’m pregnant.

This really is a big deal to me. I know there’s a chance I’ll face a negative – it’s fine. I’ll grieve and I’ll move on. But what really matters is that I’ve stopped blaming myself. In 7 years of trying to conceive, every Indian Aunty has looked at me with pity and as if it’s only my problem. Not to do with luck or sperm. I carried that blame – first due to PCO and then because my periods were scant. I accepted and blamed my egg quality and lining. In that room in the middle of a hospital in London I released the burden. I may never have my own kids. The embryos may never want to implant. However I won’t continue to blame myself.

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Maybe it was the ICSI. The increase in odds. Maybe it was the short protocol and tailored level of stimms. I honestly think diet and supplements played a huge role. I had a lot of ewcm for once. Maybe on my next round of ICSI I won’t produce eggs as good – it’s all a gamble. The body does what it wants. I don’t see this as this is it. I see it as a dose of hope and motivation to get me through another round if I have to.

So as a summary: 5 out of 6 fertilised. 2 were transferred. 2 probably lacked the vavavoom and died. 1 was a slow jam and later decided it wanted to become a frostie (which I only found out later today).

I’ve already Googled ‘2 early blastocyst success rate’ and found mainly BFN stories. I’m banning myself from Google.

My luck this cycle has made me incredibly suspicious, I’m half expecting infertility to poke it’s ugly head out and present another issue. At the sametime I’m telling myself to not be such a douchebag and accept the feeling of good news for once.

Anyhow no more cycle updates from me. All I can do is munch on Brazil nuts and pineapple and wait. I’ll be focusing on y’all instead.

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I opened Pandora's box and infertility entered my life.

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Posted in Infertility, IVF
19 comments on “IVF #2: Post transfer – unicorn visited, still waiting on the rainbow to appear, Indian aunts banished!
  1. hopingonhope says:

    Yay!!! Your pic made me laugh, and yeah my rotis are never round :))

    Kun Faya Kun. Keep saying that!!

  2. Hoping you never have to do this again! XO

  3. Congrats on a successful transfer and good luck.

  4. Jenn says:

    You have so much good luck and unicorn dust coming from me! May the rainbow shine brightly and if not, the rain not leave you behind all soggy and wet.

  5. steph50 says:

    I support the Google ban. Boyyy am I rooting for these embies to make a nest in your belly!!! Xoxox

  6. I love/hate Google. Don’t listen to those stories! Yay for having 2 healthy embabies in there!

  7. I see your rainbow coming soon!

  8. julieann081 says:

    Yay! I’m glad things went well today.

  9. kiftsgate says:

    Yey for two blastocysts transferred!! that is so great!! And yes I am sure there are lots of websites with negative stories, but there are surely just as many with positive stories. That’s what Google does. Just stay off it!! Also, I thought we agreed we are not allowed to think of future IVFs! I know it’s hard for you to hope, but it is not for me and I am really really hopeful for you!! Big hug lovely! xx

    • That’s true. I totally broke our rules. I’ll stop it. I guess I’m just feeling unworthy – like something bad has to happen because this is more than I could have hoped for.

      • kiftsgate says:

        There is no worthy or unworthy or deserving in IVF. We all deserve to succeed! And I really hope this is it for you! No feeling unworthy!! xx

  10. NotSoNewtoIVF says:

    Amazing! Check you out with your 2 blastos! You’ve done all you can do honey, just lie back and think of your little embies settling in xx

  11. On my ICSI #2 I had one blast & one morula & got baby G. No frosties though. Hoping this cycle brings you as much joy as my second cycle brought me x

  12. Holly E says:

    remember, people talk more about bad experiences than good ones!! Stay off the Googles!!! Mermaid farts and unicorn dust headed your way!!!

  13. This is fantastic news!! You can make blasts!! And you have a frosty! That is HUGE. I’m so happy for you lady. Take good care of yourself while you wait! xoxo

  14. josfword says:

    What diet did you do this time ? X

  15. Haisla says:

    Oh, so excited to find another UK blogger!!! And two blastocysts sounds amazing!! All the best, I’m rooting for you.xx

  16. Lisette says:

    Oh I’m feeling good about this! Sending you masses of good implanty vibes xxx

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