Dear 2014, Be good to me.

Inconceivable hit the nail on the head when she wrote ‘For the first time, I’m actually afraid of what the next year might bring.’ Recently I’ve been hit so badly by anxiety that I’ve forgotten how to celebrate life. I am so angry that I’ve forgotten how to communicate with my loved ones. I am so lost that I don’t know what direction to follow.

The only way I’m going to battle this is by doing and not thinking. Moving without analysing. Living without expecting. I want to shout out ‘This is my year‘ and run into battle shining positivity but in all these years a positive mindset hasn’t led to a single positive pregnancy test. 2013 stole my faith in ever falling pregnant.

I need to embrace my life to feel alive again and calm my mind. I need me back. That’s my starter for 10.

So here’s what’s ahead:

  1. Work & IVF/ICSI #2: I’m not going to make any decisions about the next IVF cycle and quitting my job until my mind has calmed. I’ll make a decision at the end of January. I love where I work, the last time I quit my job I felt even more lost while I waited on the miracle to occur. It’s too big of a decision to make while my mind is wild.
  2. Reducing alternative therapies: I need to reduce the cocktail. I’m quitting NAET and Bio Resonance – mainly because I don’t understand them fully. I’m sure they’ve helped but I feel like I’m bouncing between therapists too much. I’m keeping acupuncture because it’s amazing.
  3. Exercise: I’m switching out Aviva Method for Yoga (due to not having the space and the fact that Aviva Method seems to bring on mid-cycle bleeding for me).  I’m also going back to tango because my periods were better when I was dancing. I think I need the circulation from exercise but I have to be careful about prolactin levels.
  4. Managing TTC stress: Prayer, hypnotherapy and Headspace meditation.
  5. Nutrition: Before Christmas I went to see Melanie Brown, a fertility nutritionist, If ditching the nasties is my diet will make a difference to my hormones and egg quality it’ll be so very worth it.

Whatever happens by the end of 2014, I hope I’ll be in a place of acceptance and peace by knowing that I truly did the best I could. I hope it for all of us.

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I opened Pandora's box and infertility entered my life.

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Posted in Infertility
15 comments on “Dear 2014, Be good to me.
  1. Jenn says:

    Sending you so many good wishes for 2014 xoxo

  2. Lisette says:

    I like where this is headed. I like that something positive has come from all this sadness. I like your list. I like your plan to live without thinking. You’re inspiring me to try this myself. Hugs friend, 2014 will be a better year, I feel it xx

  3. So wonderful to read this post dear fd! All the best to you for 2014! Funny, I am having also a break from the Aviva Method, will be trying Hypnotherapy for fertility and fertility Yoga. Getting closer to who I am supposed to be these days! xxx

  4. gsmwc02 says:

    Best wishes to you and your husband on your journey in 2014!

  5. Taking control… I like that! I’m so tired of being a passenger on this journey, like you I want to feel like I own my life again.

    Wishing you just the best, most wonderful 2014 xxx

  6. Oh, I appreciate that you’re not counting your blessings and talking about how 2014 just has to be better than 2013–because life has made us no promises (2014 might suck too). But, you’re going to keep trying. Me too. I surely hope this year cuts you some slack. XO

  7. A great list—thanks for the Headspace tip. I’m hoping so much for a much better year for all of us.

  8. NotSoNewtoIVF says:

    I really hope so much that 2014 is your year xx

  9. […] add some more soft sports like pilates and yoga. I think it will help to relax. I may also follow Fertility Doll and go back to tango. It will be hard at first since I haven’t been in ages but dancing has […]

  10. Suki says:

    Yes! More power to you, sister. Those are realistic goals and it sounds like you’ve got it in your stride.

    InshaAllah this coming year will bring you what you NEED.

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