IVF #2: Silent insanity

Last night I spent most of my time awake and clutching my stomach. I’m getting pains whenever I need to pee. The cramps are cruel. Throbbing like AF. I cried just before I left for work because I feel unable to cope with all of this right now. It’s like the end is creeping up on me.

The cramps made me turn back half way to work, there was no way that on the commute home I’d be able to stand and hold a bag. I’m now sitting at home feeling depressed and I can’t face my work.

In the middle of the night I tested on a Clear Blue digital, my hcg should at the very least be 2000 by now which should trigger 3+. It showed 2-3.

I can’t cope, so I called the doctor and asked him to move my scan to tomorrow morning instead of Thursday. I really want to be positive but I don’t have a good feeling about this.

Even if a pregnancy isn’t viable, it’s so hard to say goodbye when you’ve spent over 6 years working for it.

Just 😦

I opened Pandora's box and infertility entered my life.

Tagged with: , ,
Posted in Infertility
35 comments on “IVF #2: Silent insanity
  1. popcornthief says:

    Ugh. I am so sorry. I’d say not to read too much into the test, but it’s pry better to go into the scan knowing what you know. Nothing worse than being completely blind-sided. I’ll hope for the best for you tomorrow. Having been there, I know there really isn’t much anyone can say to get you through to tomorrow. Just flat out blows.

  2. Isabelle says:

    This is so tough and I am so sorry that you’re going through it. I was heartbroken during my chemical pregnancy and there is no way to describe it appropriately if one hadn’t gone through it. It IS hard to say good bye…. Sending you hugs and hope and strength. ❤

  3. The waiting and unknowns/uncertainty are so unbearable. I’m glad they were able to move up your scan. Sending you hugs.

  4. kiftsgate says:

    I just wish I could come up and give you a big hug and bring over lots of ice cream and chocolate. Glad you’re going in for the scan tomorrow. After so much work, time and waiting, it is really really hard to say goodbye.. sending you lots of love and strength. xx

  5. Holly E says:

    I’m so sorry. I wish I could do something to make this easier for you. Fingers crossed it’s still going ok in there

  6. Jenn says:

    I’m sorry, FD. I can only imaging how hard it is after trying for so long. I have no good words for you, but I will be thinking of you.

  7. barrenbetty says:

    😦 I’m glad you’re having an earlier scan. All this waiting and worrying is torturous. Sending you lots and lots of love xxxxx

  8. Smile says:

    Oh honey, there are no words. I am thinking of you and sending lots of love.

  9. hopingonhope says:

    Sweetie , i wont give false hopes but early pregnancy does come with AF like cramps. Dont say bye before its all over. Faith had got you so far, it will take you beyond. I am sorry this is not easy on you and totally not needed right now.

  10. Thinking of you… XOXO

  11. Hope everything works out for you xx

  12. rosiedd78 says:

    Sending you voodoo vibes to help pass the time quickly – waiting is so awful. I hope you get good good news tomorrow.

  13. Oh hon, glad the scan has been moved for you. Hoping so much for you, so sorry you have to go through this xx

  14. Sending you strength, love and light!

  15. Elisha says:

    Praying for you RIGHT now!!! Xo

  16. So glad that you’re getting an earlier scan… Any answer would surely be better than being in limbo like this. Thinking of you and sending you loads and loads of love xxx

  17. julieann081 says:

    Sending lots of positive energy your way. Hugs!

  18. steph50 says:

    I so want this to work out!! Xox

  19. redbluebird says:

    Oh I am so sorry! I’m glad the scan is moved up and you’ll have answers soon. I wouldn’t have been able to wait either. Thinking of you!!!!!

  20. I’m thinking of you. xxx

  21. Stefanie says:

    Praying for you.

  22. I’m so, so sorry. Sending strength xxx

  23. hopingonhope says:

    Thinking about you. Hope you are ok.

  24. 😭😭😭 have faith that what is best will happen. Allah Kareem…praying for you and the little one ❤️

  25. TheStorkDiaries says:

    Thinking of you right now and sending hugs

  26. GK says:

    I know that you’re taking a break from blogging at the moment but I just wanted you to know that I’m thinking of you everyday x

  27. Weylin says:

    Oh FD, I feel your pain. I’m in the same boat, after many long years, no positives at all. I’m just over my FET BFN and I am feeling lost and abandoned. I’m so sorry and will be here reading. Reach out anytime – http://www.wishingawayinfertility.blogspot.com

  28. staceymariej says:

    How are you now Fertility Doll? I fear you are laying low, sending you love, even though I do not know you x

  29. Hey Doll, wondering about you. XO

  30. marwil says:

    Hey, I’m so sorry you had to go through all this. Just wanted to check in and say that I’m thinking of you xx

  31. lia1124 says:

    Assalmualikum, I hope you are doing well. During the last minutes of my fast today I happened upon your blog looking for a dua for infertility. Reading your story has made me realize how many of us are going through some form of the same thing. I hope to Allah you are doing well and that things have turned for the better for you.

  32. tola says:

    I pray you get your heart desire, that you become a mother soon. i hope to read new posts from you sometime, that you feel upt o posting soon and have good news to share soon, insha Allah

  33. Still thinking of you lady. Still sending you love.

  34. redbluebird says:

    Thought of you today. Miss you around here. Hope all is well friend. xo

  35. Weylin says:

    Thought of you today and hope that you are on the mend. Hang in there, FD.

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